Heartaches

Last night, as I snuggled with my 3rd born son, my heart was filled with love and emotion. It was a dear moment of closeness; feeling his soft skin and sweet baby smell. I held him tight to my chest; treasuring the moment in all it's fullness. Is it not, one of life's most precious unions: a mother and child?

In my motherness, I thought of the life he has ahead of him. Laughing with glee while running through the sprinkler. Scoring a soccer goal for his team. Tassels waving in the wind as he graduates from college.

I admit, I also thought of life's challenges and hardships. My heart ached as I imagined him facing  disappointments and trials; of being bullied or pressured or feeling unsure of himself.  I felt myself worrying about the struggles he may endure, losing a loved one or experiencing real tragedy.

My heart ached. I was filled with a desire to just keep him close and safe and warm. It hurt to think of him encountering the world with all its horrors and harms. I wanted him to grow secure and protected under the shadow of my wings.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I could barely contain the emotion of watching my precious babe bearing the brunt of our sinful world. 

While I silently wept, the Lord in his mercy reminded me of the hope we have in Him. While He never promises an easy or carefree life, He does promise to be with us.

As always, when I lose sight of Christ the world feels overwhelming, but then, as I dwell on the Lord and His mercy and grace, I feel a calm knowing that whatever comes my way, or my child's way, God is sovereign. He foreordains whatsoever comes to pass. What a cherished thought to remember that I am in Christ. I am kept safe and secure under the shadow of His wings.

Though I had reached a certain peace and solitude, I found my heart still aching. This time it ached for something deeper, better, and indeed, more important than safety from any earthly trials or sadness-- my heart ached for my son to know the peace that passes all understanding, for him to know the Savior. Oh that he may never walk a day apart from the Lord and be able to encounter any trial or discomfort knowing he rests in Christ alone.

My heart now yearns with a plea and prayer for God's greatest gift for my son: salvation.

May this always be our prayer for our children. Not that they would merely grow safe and strong, but that they may know Jesus as the Way, the Truth, and the Life.