30 weeks!

So here we are! Thirty weeks into the pregnancy! Woot woot!

This pregnancy has been really hard on my body and given me more weird symptoms and discomforts than I’ve ever had before. Nausea. Digestion issues. Spider veins. Varicose veins. Mood swings. Splitting fingernails. Insomnia. Curly curly hair. Unwanted weight gain. Extreme exhaustion. Hormone headaches. Irritability.

But this pregnancy has also been such a blessing and encouragement and sanctifying event for me. As always, I hope that I’m growing in grace and truth and strength every day, but as often seems the case during pregnancy or other challenging times of the month (eh hem), I put my spiritual walk on hold and say, “I’ll strive be more like Christ when I’m feeling better… or when I lose the extra weight, or when the children are out of the house, or when I’m not so busy and exhausted, or when my husband has made our fortune and we don’t have to work hard for every dollar. Then… then that’s when I’ll really grow in grace, that’s when I’ll put the effort in, but now, during this hard bit of hormones and physical discomfort, let me just give in to the moodiness, the cravings, the irritability, and the desire to NOT. DO. ANYTHING.”

And truth be told, I think many of my pregnancy’s (and monthly cycles!) have been that way. I’ve used them as an excuse to be lazy in both my spiritual and physical health, and to backslide just a weeeeeee bit.

So I’m thankful, truly truly thankful for the work that God is doing in me. He hasn’t given me an easy road of effortless pregnancy, or perfect children who sit angelically still and fold the laundry. He hasn’t given me buckets of money, or a husband that doesn’t have to work hard. He hasn’t given me extra hours in my day so that I can “easily” fit in my personal devotions. Instead, he’s given me this.

He’s given me challenges and heartaches and physical discomfort. He’s given me sinful children. He’s given me uncertainty. He’s given Nick 80 hours of work each week. He’s given me intense Southern summer heat. He’s given me friends who’ve failed and disappointed. He’s given me stress, burdens, and tears.

But He’s also given me joy.

True, deep, beautiful unspeakable joy in my life and circumstances. Its not a perfect life. Nor are my dealing and contentment in it. But still. I’m learning. I’m growing. And I’ve seen the Lord do a miraculous work in me, saving me and conforming me to His image—in circumstances that make taking a step back soooo much easier than a step forward.

He has forced deeper self examination than I ever wanted or thought I needed, and has helped me come to grips with many hidden sins of my heart. He has poured out grace and mercy and forgiven me when I’ve failed time and time again. He’s given me a husband who’s been incredibly patient, and children who forgive and forget perhaps a bit too quickly. He’s given me sweet baby kicks in utero to mingle with the stretch marks and weight gain. He has given me his sufficient grace.

And truly his grace is sufficient. It is all we need to resist, to stand firm on His word, to run the race. And so, I’m running. Running hard… but running on His strength that is made perfect in my weakness.

 

 

*a few thoughts on 30 weeks. I’m still gaining more weight that I would like, but because I’m also exercising 4 or 5 days a week, I think I’m staying toned and maybe I don’t look as heavy as the scale indicates?? Not sure, but I’m hopeful. wink wink. I’m measuring 2 weeks bigger (by fundal height) than I am by LMP, so this baby is looking to be another big guy just like his brothers. He is moving and kicking up a storm, making my stomach lurch and causing people to laugh. The boys love feeling him kick. Joshua kisses my tummy before bed each night. We still haven’t decided on a name, but received the advice that we should always name our children something that ends with a vowel, so that the name will carry when we yell. Haha.

Shades of Green

I love my garden.

Sure it’s not very big, and there are a few stray weeds climbing through the dirt…

And the peas are falling over in the back because the trellis I bought was really not tall enough. My oregano is all in one clump because the rain washed the seeds into a pile and my chives are still not thriving.

But to me, it’s the best garden ever.



Tomatoes


My hubby kindly donated the start-up fees (wood, compost, manure, seeds), and my boys helped me dig it one sunny spring day, but really, I’m the sole gardener. I’ve tended. I’ve cared. I’ve planted.

And I’ve loved.

Peas

I don’t know how it happened, but it happened still. These plants, each one, I love them. I love to smell the mint and basil, to find green beans and peas hiding among the leaves. I love my strawberries even though I haven’t tasted a single one. (Darn old squirrels!!)

Mint

Whenever I work in the garden, I feel peaceful too. And my mind almost always wanders to thoughts of our great God, who I’m sure loves gardens as much as I.

After all, didn’t He make all the lovely herbs and vegetables at the beginning of time? By the word of His power? And didn’t he make each plant ready to yield fruit in its season? Create humidity and rain, fertile soil and sun? Yes, I’m certain that God loves gardens too.

Strawberry

I’m also pretty sure God hates weeds, but loves weeding… just like I do.

Parsely

I always think about uprooting sin in my life when I’m weeding. The analogy is just to strong for me to ignore.

I love getting down on my hands and knees, sorting between plants, and carefully working my hands through the soil to pull up the bad guys while protecting the life of the good guys.

Man. One could go crazy with the life analogy’s (both Biblical and not) hidden in gardening.

Basil

I think it’s another reason why I love my garden and gardening.  I pull weeds and feel like I am vanquishing the enemy. I water the herbs and imagine the Holy Spirit reviving me with refreshing rain.

Oregano

I watch my plants grow… and think of how God nurtures and cares for His people; providing for our every need, saving us, and teaching us to bear good fruit.

Cucumbers

Thank you, Lord, for tending me… and my garden too

The hardest part

After a whole day of managing the house and the children, I find that when 5pm rolls around I want to flip the "being responsible" switch and take a break. My energy, my skills, and, yes, I'll say it, my temper, have reached the limit and I'm ready for auto pilot. No thinking, no disciplining, no doing anything that involves effort.

And truth be told, so often my husband, in his graciousness, allows me this much needed reprieve. He comes home from work, plays with the kids, steps up to chasten and admonish them when needed. He often cleans the dinner dishes before wrestling that last bit of energy out of the boys so that bedtime can go smoothly.

This is yet another reason why I love my husband. And yet another reason why I'm missing him while he is away. Am I wrong to think that being a single parent might very well be the hardest part of Army life?

Of course, I miss my husband and best friend for so many other reasons (adult conversation, protection, physical touch, regular encouragement), but I right now I'm really missing him as "Daddy."

The last week, though it has flown by, has been such a challenge. I have found my strength and stamina dwindling when it comes to child rearing. Why is it so easy to let things slide when you're the only one? I tell myself, it's no big deal to let my son talk back just this once... but then is it really okay to let it go three times in a row? Or what about turning a blind eye to family devotions, telling myself that "I don't want my husband to miss out on several chapters of Proverbs" that we'd read in his absence...when really in truth, I don't feel like trying to keep the boys sitting still and listening for another 15 minutes?

Unfortunately, the list goes much longer than this, bed time, chores, spankings... why is it so easy to feel that we'll get back to "real life" when Daddy's home again? And during this in-between-time, this single parenting time, it's okay to be lazy and let things go?


Well, let me tell you. It's NOT.


I'm reaping the "rewards" of what I've sown. After a week of sending my children mixed signals by sometimes letting them to their own devices and at other times following them around with the rod of correction... I'm finding that neither them nor I are taking me very seriously.

Yes, I could use a break. I could use an easy button. And I could use an iced white mocha right about now. But taking a break is very foolish when it comes to parenting... especially when it involves being inconsistent in discipline!

While it is good to have times of quiet from the hustle and bustle of the the daily grind, as a Christian, I must never stop confronting sin in my life or allow myself to use "single parenting" as an excuse.

And now I pray,


Lord, forgive me for being inconsistent this week. Please keep me strong to complete the tasks you have laid before me. Help me to remember that I must be steadfast, regardless of my energy level. Thank you for causing me to reap what I've sown as a lesson and reminder that I cannot let sin take root in my life.

And thank you for my husband who makes working hard so much more bearable. Miss you, Sweetheart!